Punishment

"You ruined my life!"

A hateful scream. A finger pointing at me. I didn't know what to say. I didn't know what to feel.

Years way back. I told a friend about the nights we spent sauntering the streets of Malate. I told him how I felt about those nights. I was scared that I corrupted you. That you were going to hate me for it.

"Believe me. In the future, he'll look back about these times, and it's you he will remember, and he will be thankful for that," he said.

I guess he was wrong.

I look at you. How you turned out to be a fine looking man. You were just a kid when I met you. You stared back not trying to mask the look of distaste in your face. I felt my eyes welled up. I wiped them with both hands. I ran my fingers through my hair. Funny, I had the same hair I was sporting when I was nineteen. Young and careless, doing waribikis in the streets of Sakae.

I was in front of the underground club I used to work for. It was winter or I wouldn't be wearing the trench coat Ana gave to me on my first birthday in Sakae. There were few people on the street. From their looks I could already tell, not tonight. So I saved my self the effort of persuading them to come in. The wind started to bite on my cheeks. I ran to the nearest Circle-K for a pack of cigarettes. I took the time walking back to my post.

I saw you standing in front of the club door. Weird. It was already open. You were just standing there. Looking at me walking as if I had all the time in the world. As I got near you, I realized that you were young again. You were smiling that same smile that made me fall in love. Not the same. Something was different. Something was wrong.

I was a good five feet away and you went in. I followed. I rushed down the stairs. I suddenly remembered dragging an old customer once on this very same steps. Another lifetime.

I found myself standing in the middle of an empty room. A sudden fear. I heard the creaking of a door. I ran to the bathroom. I found you seated atop the green marble sink. Coyly playing a small gun in your hands.

"What is that?" I wanted to know.

You held the gun with your right hand. Raised it and pointed it directly under your chin. You smiled.

"What are you doing?" I suddenly felt cold.

"This is your punishment!" and that smile again.

The sound of the gun fire seemed to reverberate forever.


It was just a dream and two days later, the depression started to kick in.